E. was asked by a friend of ours to be in his latest video... here's the finished product. Watch for the flashback.

We welcomed a boy into our home.

We opened our hearts to a love that would stretch across oceans.

We began our journey with Tejan.

I can hardly believe it's been a year since he came.

It's been a tough week for me... the marking of time always gets me in one way or another... and in this case, I've been struggling with the emotion of acknowledging that a year ago we were getting to know him... I have such vivid memories of the challenge of those first few days.

How can it possibly have been a year ago?

I still miss him terribly.

His scrawny little hand in mine.

His laughter.

His helpfulness.

While I plug through my days and find many areas of my life completely back to 'normal', I am amazed to find the hole in my heart is no smaller with the passage of time.

I think I thought it would be.

Saturday we enjoyed a short bike ride and a picnic along the Spokane river... I'm really trying to drink in the end of summer and take advantage of every opportunity to enjoy the outdoors before the cold weather sets in.

It was a great afternoon. Isn't this a pretty place for a picnic?

When Asia and I lived in Eugene at the beginning of our marriage, we had the privilege of working together at a group home for severely abused kids. It was really and truly a family - the founders lived there full time and we were part of the ten or so staff who were scheduled from 1:00 to 10:00 each day. Our time there included activities, work projects, dinner, hanging out with the kids, bedtime and debriefing each evening. Of course, since there were major behavioral issues with these kids, each day held little surprises, like having to do physical holds on kids who were out of control and things like being spit on (or in my case, peed on). It was a challenging job. But it was rewarding. Asia and I still talk about our days at Jasper with great fondness.

When you're working alongside others in that kind of intense environment, you tend to bond pretty strongly. It's similar to a camp experience, only heightened by the intense nature of the kids' issues and the interventions necessary to deal with their behaviors.

David was one of the first staff members we got to know - he shared our faith, and his quirky sense of humor gave comic relief on more than one occasion. He was sort of a big brother to me at work - teasing and challenging, but always supportive and helpful. He was one of the hardest workers I've ever met - pushing through all day work projects long after the rest of us had petered out.

Yesterday David's wife called to let me know that he'd passed away.

He was 44.

They'd gone on to have six children.

All afternoon and evening I walked around saying "David Brenda is dead."

I just can't wrap my head around it.

He was the kind of guy who was so full of life
and passion for his kids
and love for the outdoors
and faith that didn't sit...

David was always challenging
and loving
and using his hands for God's glory.

He was a true friend.
An amazing father.
A supportive husband.

A great guy.


A massive heart attack.

Gone. Instantly.

You just never know...


So today, I remember my friend...

1. I drove back to the west side over the weekend... I had a work-related event to attend and I had to pick up the kids from my parents. It was a great weekend. I attended classes all day on Sunday with my boss - making lots of fun projects and getting to play with all kinds of new products. My folks were kind enough to drive the kids up to Vancouver (WA) on Monday so we could leave from there instead of going all the way to Astoria to get them.
2. My favorite new stuff? Cosmo Crickets Mr. Campy and Haunted lines. Oh dear. I simply must have it all... We made the cutest little mini album with Mr. Campy...
3. It's so good to have the kids home. As much as a quiet, empty house sounds lovely, it's pretty boring. I missed them more than I imagined I would and am so glad to have them home.
4. Grandma and Grandpa spoiled them fully while they were there, taking them to museums and out for hamburgers and to two different bakeries and to Starbucks and buying them new school clothes and going camping in the RV overnight... the kids had a blast. And I'm sure my parents are in recovery mode this week after a very full and noisy and busy week last week. I'm so thankful for the week's worth of memories stored up in the kids' minds... that's what childhood is for, eh? Good stuff.
5. School starts two weeks from yesterday. Summer went WAY too fast this year. I'm really hoping to fill up the next 13 days with lots of fun activities and rest and relaxation and drinking in my kids... I can't seem to get enough of them these days.
6. My friend Suzanne turned me on to this artist... I'm fascinated and intrigued and want to move to London so I can find one of these teeny tiny vignettes...
7. It was 110 degrees as I drove through the Columbia River Gorge on Saturday... today it's cool and rainy. Talk about extremes. The kids and I got to watch a fantastic four hour long thunderstorm on our drive home Monday. At one point we were racing and dodging dozens of tumbleweeds rolling down the freeway, being blown by the wind almost as fast as we were. So cool. I love interesting weather and the change of seasons.
8. Making me happy right now? My two oldest kids sleeping in while Ethan lies on the floor next to me setting up his army men in an elaborate battle. Love how this kid can play alone for hours like that. He's always done that. The other two never did - they always wanted a playmate - but E. can entertain himself with a bucket of 'guys' and be happy for the longest time. And he's quiet... whispering little shooting sounds and 'Ughhhhhhh' as soldiers meet their demise... it's a sweet remnant of little boy-ness that I'm holding tight to as my kids seem to be outgrowing childhood and moving on to young-adulthood. I love who they're becoming, but I sense the need to cherish my little guy more than ever... because before I know it, the army men will be put away and he'll be leaving the house as often as the older two and I'll find myself wondering what happened to my babies...
9. On my nightstand right now? This and this and this. Am I the only weirdo who reads several books at once?
10. Happy Wednesday, friends. Smooches!

One of my favorite things about blogging is the fact that it gives me this very easy format to look back on my life. I can go over to my archives, pull up a month and read where I was and what I was doing at the time. The longer I blog, the more profound these online retrospections become. They bring stories that would have normally been forgotten back to mind and remind me of the struggles, joys and beauty of everyday life.

As anyone who's blogged for any length of time knows, there are seasons to blogging. There are times when the blog is amazing. Words flow from my fingers and subject matter is abundant. I'm fun to read, full of insight, and have the time and energy to take and post well composed and edited photos that enhance each story. That's when blogging is really fun. I'm on the proverbial roll.

And then there are the other times. Times when I know I should post, but have nothing to say. When life just seems SO blah and my brain can't think of anything at all to share.

Lately, it's been the latter, here at Thoughts From the Deep Recesses.

And it's been this way for several months.

I woke up early this morning and was thinking through my day. Quite honestly, one of the first things that ran through my head was "Thank goodness I posted a Tuesday Ten yesterday - I don't have to blog today."

I caught myself. Why has blogging become such a chore?

So I pondered that for a bit.

And I thought through some of my best blogging - which I believe happened through our whole experience with Tejan.

And then it hit me.

Those months of deep, insightful posts full of sometimes overwhelming emotion and desperate crying out to God? Those were great, but they were exhausting.

And this boring, not very insightful past few months of posts?

Well, those are the grace of a God who knows me SO well and knows that I needed rest.

I've been struggling with feeling like a boring blogger, and all along God's been giving me a boring, easy, simple, soothing and calm life because I went through eight months of difficult, challenging life-changing involvement with an orphan from Africa.

I guess He thought I needed a break.

So while four months of sort of unispiring posts may have left me (and you) wanting, I see now that it was just my sweet Savior, once again knowing my needs way better than I do, and giving me exactly what my soul craved.

Rest. Normalcy. Routine.

A sabbatical from the kind of stuff that prompts great blogging.

And yet, looking back, the past four months of posts have been great.

Because they highlight the very things I needed.

Track meets.
Family reunions.
Crochet projects.
Earrings that were lost and then found.
Crazy bird stories.
Mosquito bites.
Bloomsday.


No doctors appointments or surgeries or heart wrenching struggles with loving a boy from another continent...

And that's okay.

Because obviously, I needed a rest.

So today I'll blog another little alter to the goodness of a God who knows me better than I know myself.

And we'll just see what I blog about tomorrow... and the next day... and the next.

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

1. Remember how excited I was to enjoy the cool weather at the beach? I was just as glad to get back to Spokane to enjoy what's left of summer. We had cool, cloudy weather the whole week we were at the coast and only saw the sun peek out two or three times the whole time. It didn't spoil our vacation, but I'm glad I could come back to some warmth and sunshine... I'm not ready for summer weather to end.
2. I'm all alone in my house this week. The kids stayed behind at Grandma's house and Asia is working out of town this week. So it's me and Gracie. Can you imagine? I haven't had the house to myself for this long EVER! It's strange and quiet and wonderful and weird. And quiet.
3. Our friend Jay took care of the dog while we were gone. She got to go live at his house with 5 other 20-somethings and slobber all over their stuff. She always worries herself sick when we're gone and this trip was no exception. Fortunately, I've got medicine I can give her that helps get her tummy back to normal after a couple of days... poor dog. Poor me - the gas coming out of her is almost unbearable. It's like living with a skunk.
4. The boss is on vacation this week so I'm working three full days at the store and teaching three classes. Nothing like diving right back into it, eh? It's good though... I've got oodles of class samples to get done and I can usually accomplish quite a bit in between customers... can you believe I'm already working on Christmas projects in my head? Yikes.
5. I made Amish Baked Oatmeal for breakfast one morning at the beach house. Can you say yum? Seriously. Just try it. You'll be so glad you did. It's SO good.
6. I'm reading Unchristian right now. Wow. What an eye opener. Anyone who's interested in culture and Christianity needs to read this book. I'm saddened and motivated by it in such a powerful way...
7. My kitchen counter is full of fruit from my favorite summer fruit stand. Peaches, blueberries, apples, tomatoes, cantaloupe. Can summer last longer, please?
8. Savannah's MP3 player went through the washer at the beach house. It didn't work for 5 days, but when we got home and plugged it into the charger, it magically came on and is now working just fine. She's a lucky girl. I have a strict "go through your own pockets" policy for the laundry so I don't have a lot of sympathy for my kids when stuff goes through the wash. I wash, dry, and fold it all, so it's the least they can do to be responsible for their own pockets...
9. I watched Atonement last night. Hated it. I should have watched the Olympics instead. At least they keep me awake...
10. Happy Tuesday, friends. Smooches!

Created with Admarket's flickrSLiDR.

We're leaving in the morning for our annual trip to the coast... we stay in a beach house that we rent with my brother and his family.

This is the eighth year we've gone.

I never get tired of it.

I'm particularly ready for it this year.

I've much to ponder in the sand.

My head clears more quickly to the sound of the surf than I can ever hope it to in the midst of daily chores and responsibilites.

And so - this year - when I've been so stretched and am struggling to find myself in the midst of my recent experiences, I welcome the waves and the wind and the seemingly endless expanse of the shoreline.

God and I have some talking to do.

And there's no better place for that than the beach.

It'll be a good week.

Smooches, dear ones.
I'll be back...

1. A reason to wear a hoodie... I get tired of tank tops and shorts all summer long. I love that it's cool and crisp at the beach in the morning and I need to pull on a sweatshirt.
2. Asia's long morning walks - every day when we're at the beach house, Asia gets up early and goes for a walk into town. Sometimes I get up and go with him, and sometimes I roll over and am thankful that I can sleep for another half hour.
3. I always save up my magazines for about a month before we go to the beach... it's so fun to finally get to pull them out and read them.
4. Sharing a pot of coffee with my brother each morning...
5. Watching the kids play. No matter how old they get, when you combine water and rocks and sand, the kids play. And play. And play.
6. S'mores.
7. Day trips... my brother is really good at finding fun things for us to do together. The Oregon Coast is full of so many fun places to go.
8. The yellow bedroom Asia and I share is so happy...
9. Sharing meals. I love cooking for people - and I love cooking at the beach house, with the window open and the breeze blowing.
10. The inexplicable way the sound of the waves and the breeze and the sand and the majesty of the ocean feed my soul. I'm a beach girl at heart.

I have more cherries than I know what to do with... But we sure had fun this morning... Cherry picking is so easy - there were literally handfuls hanging on every branch - it took no time at all to fill our four buckets. And now I have a teeny tiny bit of a tummy ache. But I'm still eating. Yum. Cherries.

We rode from Harrison, Idaho to Hayford State Park yesterday.

About 17 miles round trip.

Our friends, Justin and Tarah came along with their two little boys.

I'm loving this trail... yesterday's portion rode right along the banks of Lake Coeur D'Alene. We saw blue heron, osprey, and a river otter.

I'm a happy girl whenever you combine family time with a decent picnic... and we had both yesterday.

Good stuff.

I had the day off from work. I don't think, in the almost five years I've worked at the store, that I've had a Friday off unless I was going out of town for some reason or another. Or maybe a birthday or anniversary.

So having today, just a normal summer Friday, off from work was a treat.

I managed to make the most of it...

• I started the day with an hour long walk with Gracie. We went to Manito Park, my favorite place in the world to walk...
• I started the laundry when I got home - I proceeded to get four loads washed. Everything dried outside on the line, except for the last load, which is still out there sucking up the summer sunshine.
• Kyler and I tackled our front sidewalk - which has lately started sprouting weeds and hadn't had a good cleaning at all this year. It ended up being a huge job that grew as it went along. We ended up edging the whole lawn too and laying the extra sod we pulled up on our bare patches. Too bad I showered before we did all that work. I was sweaty and dirty and exhausted by the time we finished.
• Asia and I went to the library and the grocery store together. I bought $53 worth of groceries for $19. I've become quite the sale hound and coupon clipper... just trying to make our $$$ stretch a little further...
• I started meal planning for our annual trip to the beach... planning delicious meals for vacation is one of my favorite things to do. I love feeding people.
• The kids and I cleaned the house - top to bottom.
• I started reading some of my books from the library... while sitting in the sunshine on the deck and drinking lemonade. Isn't summer grand?

Tomorrow we're tackling leg two of our journey on the Trail of the Coeur D'Alene's. We're planning an 18 mile ride...

Happy Friday, everyone. Hope you have a wonderful weekend!

Smooch you all!

1. Several people have asked me about our trip to the ER last week and I've been horrible about getting back with the story... I ended up taking Ethan down one evening last week because he was very confused, with slurred speech and difficulty forming words... it was terrifing as a mom. And of course Asia was out of town. They did a CT scan and bloodwork, which all came back normal. The best the doctor could come up with was that he had a concussion from a fall a couple of days before... Apparently, you can have a delay in the symptoms...
2. I'm putting my application for my trip to Sierra Leone in the mail this morning, along with my deposit to open my account for the trip. Can you believe it?
3. My husband reads. A lot. But he only reads one genre. Fantasy. If you recommend a book to him (especially if it's non-fiction) he will go to the library and bring it home, get me interested in it, and then I will read it. Then I will tell him about it. And then he will go around talking about it. As if he read it. He's a cheater that way.
4. Speaking of my husband, he's become a very good driver the last week. Must have something to do with the fact that he got a ticket recently and was able to get it deferred when he went to court... which means if he doesn't get another ticket in a year, this one will never show on his record. But which also means, if he does get another ticket, he will have to pay the full penalty on both AND both will show up on his record. It's a dream come true, people.
5. Weight Watchers report: 15.8 pounds gone. 3.4 pounds from my goal weight.
6. The kids are at VBS this week. This is Kyler's last year - he's been to this VBS every year since he was 4 years old... it's a good one. And always good timing for me - by this point in the summer a couple of quiet hours in the morning are SO welcome.
7. Savannah goes to the orthodontist Monday morning for the first step in getting her braces... I think they're making a casting of her teeth or something. Braces actually go on in September.
8. I'm going to post a bunch of stuff on Craigslist today... we had almost instant success selling Ethan's bike a couple of weeks ago - so now the bug has bit... I'm eager to see what else I can get rid of.
9. We had three evenings in a row last weekend of dinner at friends' houses... we are spoiled. And well fed.
10. Scrapbookers: are you following all the new stuff being released at CHA summer? Here's a great link to see everything all in one place... check it out! My favorites so far have to be KI Memories, Basic Grey and Maya Road. Amazing stuff.

Happy Tuesday friends!

Me: "Kyler, you know that I love you, even in all your teenager teenagery-ness?"

and he gives me a thumbs up from the table where he's eating his cereal...

All week I've been pondering the idea of living fully.

Prompted by the sermon at church on Sunday, I'm chewing on the idea of experiencing all that each day holds...

whether it's a glorious day spent by the river with the sounds of my children playing together

or an evening spent in the emergency room, scared out of my wits.

Wherever God has me, I want to fully be in that moment.

Even in the doldrums of a summer day that seems to never end, I want to live it. Love it. Embrace it.

So I'm breathing fully.
Savoring the little things.
Tasting more.
Reflecting.

Even in conflict and boredom and tiredness - I want to fully be there.

So that's what I've been thinking about.

How are you all?

1. Very Vanilla Muffins
2. Greek Pasta Salad
3. Whole Wheat Sugar Cookies
4. Sweet and Sour Roast
5. Garlic Basil Bow Tie Pasta
6. Oat and Toffee Cookies
7. Easy Dinner Rolls
8. Vanilla Coconut Bars
9. Chicken Potato Packets
10. Black Bean and Corn Salad

Obviously, I'm having some difficulty blogging lately.

Part of it is having the kids home all the time. There just aren't a lot of quiet moments to think through posts or form coherent sentences.

In some ways, bloggable material is short... when every day is a repeat of the last, there aren't a lot of things I can write about without boring myself, let alone my readers.

And partly, I'm just trying to enjoy summer without giving myself any pressure to blog... as my kids get older, I'm trying really hard to cherish the time we have together. This summer feels like a bit of a passage for me, as I'm watching Kyler go from little boy to teenager - from wanting to be home and be a part of 'family fun' to wanting to spread his wings and spend more time away from home. It's tough on me... and I'm holding onto each moment with him, knowing they are going to become fewer as he gets older and his horizon expands.

So the blog is low on my list of priorities.

Seems like that's kind of standard around the blogging world right now... which is okay.

It just doesn't seem right to be sitting in front of a computer screen when the sun is shining and there are so many summery diversions available, does it?

Sunshine.Roller coasters.Friends stopping by on bike rides or coming over for dinner.Strawberries and raspberries and fresh nectarines.Water parks.Sangria under the deck umbrella. Sprinklers running.Flip-flops.Walking the dog in the late evening.Frisbee golf.Walking to the pool.Kids sleeping in past 9:00. Fans.BBQ.Toenails painted bright pink.Clear blue skies.Vacation Bible School.Screen doors slamming. Summertime.